Acer Aspire 5738DG Notebook

The Tool of Ultimate Procrastination

Montasir Masrur

This laptop is quite the sight, a thing of beauty; rounded edges, dark blue casing, black outline, grey body. With a 16 inch screen, it will captivate you for hours on end. With a sturdy keyboard, I can tap away my heart's desires. It has only one purpose - to allow us to do literally whatever the hell we want.

The speed of the laptop is comparable to that of a jet fighter - one that has crashed & burnt. Surprisingly, it operates at satisfactory speeds whey you're doing things of absolutely no value. Somehow it knows you well enough that it caters to your subconscious desires of browsing through a plethora of cat pictures, punny jokes & attractive posteriors, but when it comes down to getting actual work done it will run at a speed of a quadriplegic tortoise.

The sound system is fantastic. When you're playing music you can even join in & contribute to the by repeatedly tapping the speakers to try & get them to work, doing so to the beat of the music. Additionally the sound of the fan is loud enough to act as background music, after all no one likes complete silence.

The laptop comes with its very own 'heater', very useful for those days when gloves just won't do. This is all thanks to the strategically positioned fan on the left hand side of the keyboard & the inexplicable accumulation of particulate matter in the interior.

It comes with 3D capabilities which allows you to view the latest 3D movies from the comfort of your own room. All you need is a 'legal' copy of a 3D film of your choice & 3D glasses that you'll need to wear. If sitting at home wearing 3D glasses to watch 3D movies by yourself seems like a great idea, this is the laptop for you!

And the best thing is, it can literally shut down at any moment for absolutely no reason! While you're browsing through cat pics on the interwebs. While you're watching educational videos. Even while you're working on an assignment due in an hour that you've only finished half of, because the computer that you are working on decided to shut down 6 hours ago & wouldn't turn back on, & when it finally does, all your work is gone & autosave is nowhere to be found.

Pros:

• can be used as a hand warmer
• overheated panel can be conveniently used to inflict self-harm
• light enough to pick up & throw on the floor 
• screen resilient enough to withstand punches of frustration
• webcam with quality so bad being ugly won't even matter

Cons:

• not heavy enough to to use as an effective melee weapon
• not light enough to use as an effective thrown weapon
• it had 3D functions

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars - It will literally make you want to start cutting again :)